Wedding -- Bliss or What?

       Marriage is easy.  It’s the wedding that’s difficult.  Granted, getting to the point where both parties agree that they will be better for being together for the rest of their lives, until Death do they part, in sickness as in health, and for poorer as also for richer, might actually take some doing.  But once, for the practical-minded, having considered the many solemn aspects of the proposed merger and the considerable responsibilities of the day to day operations and having signed the contract, at least metaphorically, there is the small matter or big matter, depending on how it is decided, of the ritual, the ceremony, the celebration.

   What is appropriate?  What is affordable?  What is bearable?  These are all important questions.  A big hall or a small intimate gathering?  At the church or in the judge’s chambers?  Pastoral, religious, ecumenical, high society, formal, informal?  Crown of flowers or discreet veil?  White satin or faded denim?  Sleek black limousine or a red Chevy with cans trailing and ‘Just Married’ in the back window?

   And that’s just the basics.  What about the invitations?  And, more importantly, who to invite?

   Just family alone gets you up to about 30 people.  Then close friends - those of the two of you - that’s at least 125.  And those are just the guys in town.  Out-of-towners and friends from childhood add another 50.  What about those it’s politically expedient to invite?  Another 20.  And how about the woman who has cut your hair for the last 7 years?  She’s a friend, isn’t she?  And those who are acquaintances, yet more than that.  Now we’re at about 275.

   Okay.  The invitations have gone out.  The RSVPs are pouring in at an alarming rate.  Now there’s food and music.  Paper plates or good china?  Pachelbel’s canon or Marvin Gaye?  It’s tough.

   There’s always the intriguing possibility of a theme wedding.  Always the urge to do something different.  Something beyond the traditional.  Something that pushes the wedding envelope.  Something more than ‘Do you take this white bridal gown?’ or ‘Do you take this boring black tuxedo?’  The gathered family and friends have seen this all before and may have actually participated in leading roles.  Sure, it’s full of nostalgia and sentiment for them, but why not give them something to really remember?  Be bold.  Break the mold.  Step out.  Why not have a theme wedding?

   I can see it now… The front of the church or the hall or out in the middle of the field… it’s decorated, no, designed to resemble the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.  The captain is in his chair, lost in thought.  Mr. Spock is stage left, fiddling with some dials.  Uhuru sits concentrating, as important messages of congratulations pour in from around the galaxy.  Scotty is off in the background, biting his nails, and making sure that everything is together, despite the pressure of this momentous event.

   The theme music swells as the bride and groom, dressed in regulation, form-fitting and unexpectedly flattering Starfleet uniforms, approach the captain.

   Spock says, “Captain, I believe the young couple is ready.”

   “Thank you, Mr. Spock.”

   The captain rises and, despite his short stature, towers over the happy couple.  His eyes twinkle kindly, as he looks down at them and says, “By the power invested in me by the Federation and with the blessings of…”

   Scotty breaks in.  “Captain, I’m not sure I can hold it together much longer.”

   “Mr. Scott, you should have thought of that before.”

   He turns back to the couple and continues.

   “Do you, Ensign, take this quite beautiful, young…”  His voice begins to get dreamy.  “..fair, pure…”  He sighs.  “..delicious, warm…” The bride and groom look at each other and then nervously back as Kirk goes on. “..gorgeous, innocent…”  The crew members cast concerned glances across the cabin.  Mr. Spock raises an eyebrow.  “..most appealing, tender…”  Spock clears his throat and says, “Captain?

   It breaks the spell.  Kirk, hearing this,  suddenly realizes where he is and what he is supposed to be doing.  He wipes a drop of perspiration from his forehead and takes a second to compose his features. 

   Now, completely in command once again, he says, “Do you, Ensign, take this First Lieutenant to be your interstellar companion, to hold her within your orbit, and to be her universe for as long as you both shall live?”

   “Aye, aye, sir.”

   “And do you, Lieutenant, take this Ensign to be your partner in exploration, to make him a part of your solar system, in sickness…”

   Bones steps forward quickly and holds his monitor out towards the groom.  He inspects it and then nods.

   Kirk continues.  “..and in health, from the present coordinates unto infinity?”

   “Aye, aye, sir.”

   Kirk wipes a small tear from the corner of one eye.  “I now pronounce you Primary Unit #0-364-2416692.  Mr. Sulu, Warp 2.”

   The music swells once more and the ship disappears in a flash of light, leaving the couple in a warm embrace and the audience wild with applause.